Stage 1: The Ugly
You all know what I'm talking about here. These are the car accidents that you drive by and automatically feel like that little lump in your stomach that makes you think or say "Holy crap that looks kinda bad." The car is just absolutely mashed everywhere on the road. Shards of glass everywhere, tire shreds everywhere, maybe the car is flipped, maybe it's on fire or just absolutely totally totaled (you see what I did there). The ambulance is on scene interviewing somebody with cuts on their face and towels rapped around them (I never understood this, there not suffering from hypothermia? And I don't know but if your in a state of shock I think the last thing I'd need is a towel to keep warm, but that's why I am not becoming a doctor). Maybe the helicopter is swirling around trying to pick someone up. I don't know, you fill in details. This is also the kind of accident that causes extremely annoying and frustrating and kill yourself amounts of traffic. And then as soon as you pass the actual accident, if you had the patience, you suddenly take back all the harsh words and feelings towards the traffic and immediately begin praying to God slash thanking something you believe in that you were not apart of the wreckage. We've all been there on the highway before.
Stage 2: The Bad
To jump right into the traffic and remorse idea again, we introduce Stage 2, The Bad. This is when you are waiting in that kill yourself traffic and your so mad and so frustrated, and right fully so. You have waited all that time and showed like the most patience ever during this traffic jam in order to keep your pride in the chosen path to get home because you don't wanna say that you tried some other way, got lost 5 times, found your way again, and then got stuck in more traffic. That sucks. So you FINALLY get to the accident spot, and there's only one car with a couple dents, there's like one cop, maybe a person, an unused ambulance, and this makes you think where's the second car and is this really the reason I've been stuck in this god damn traffic all evening? This is exactly the point when you floor it down the highway in wide open road so pissed off that not even your 3 year old at home can cheer you up when you walk in the door and you just have to take out your frustration in the form of a beer or some manly thing like man cave chilling or mowing the lawn or watching TV and not say a word until your head falls into your stomach and your sleeping the night away. For ladies, it's time to piss off the entire house with your stressed out madness, obviously. BAD IS NOT GOOD IN THIS SITUATION!! (you know what I mean)
Stage 3: The Good
Haha. I'm laughing just thinking about it. This type of accident is so hard to explain because a car accident is a car accident. For the people involved it is innately bad. Let me start off with the witnesser. For the witness of "The Good" car accident, it is HILARIOUS. Literally so funny. Example: today my two buddies and I are driving home from our day job on Delco's infamous road for rush hour traffic.... 476! It's like 5 o'clock, which reminds me that it is definitely 5 o'clock somewhere and somebody is definitely enjoying a strong drink on the beach watching the sun go down with their sweetheart... Nothing better. So anyway there's that point in the traffic that you speed up kinda, and then slow down pretty darn quickly and you need to use the breaks heavily but controllably. Well this girl, 25 looking in age, to the right and in front of us had to be either texting or thinking about her future boyfriend who she was not going home to tonight and fender bender'd the old couple driving in front of her. The unique and hilarious part about this fender bender was that the glass that covers the headlights was basically the only affected element of the crash. Naturally my bros and I were jamming to country music and enjoying the fine breeze so our windows we're down. The noise we heard was so funny it sounded like on of those high fives you do with your bros that make that shocking popping sound that excites you! PLUS, the glass from the headlight burst everywhere in splash form like it was water! On top of all that the 25 year old girls face who caused the bender could not have been more shocked. Like this dude I found on Youtube. We cheered like we won the lottery. Some screaming, a couple Aooooaaaahhh's, a triple high five, a bunch of "dude holy shit did you see that"'s!!!! It's funny because it sucks A LOT for that shocked 25 year old without a boyfriend, and because we saw it LIVE, and because we know that if it happened to us we would know how much we suck, and how dumb we are for being that fender bender-er. Lastly, those two in the fender bender calmly pulled over, no cops no ambulances, and probably exchanged numbers while the 25 year old cried her eyes out then cried the entire way home and called her best friend when she got home because she was lonely in her apartment without her to be determined boyfriend. And no excess traffic was caused. PERFECT! Everyone's happy. It's Good.
This is, The Three Stages Of Car Accident Viewings or Traffic Experiences Because of That Accident In Life Theorem of Highway Driving. Simple as that. Really do not know another way to put it. It's just that obvious.
This video was really funny to me when I first watched it and embodies the theorem (not really). Just a bunch of people getting like so lucky and involves cars and avoided accidents:
Simply stunning. The look on said boyfriendless girl's face was priceless. The best part is that her day most definitely continued to suck afterwards. No way did she turn it around after that and have a good day. Needless to say, I would hate if that happened to me. It's probably five o'clock in Hawaii right now so hopefully someone is enjoying a cool cool cruiser while reading this magnificent post.
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